I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
