She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
