Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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