My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
