How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
