Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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