i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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