I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
