true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
