The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize