i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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