Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
