He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize