All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
this is an emotional support booty call
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
