I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
