also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
