how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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