so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
