My cat gives me a boner
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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