you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she peed on how many people?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
