Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
