shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize