They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize