Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
