I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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