Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
