does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
