I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
