If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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