Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize