Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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