just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
