new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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