Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
