ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
