I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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