I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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