The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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