Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize