It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
