this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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