After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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