my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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