I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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