cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
