dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
