He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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