I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
