I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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