I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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