They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need to sanitize my soul.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
