He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The struggles of a small town man whore
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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