I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Drunk is not a location!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
