You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
