He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
