You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
