Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He better not be in your backpack
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
