Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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