he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
