Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Welp...herpes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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