I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
