So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
